2 months of girly bliss :)

It's hard to believe it's been two months since my beautiful angel has come into my life. She is the sweetest tempered baby. She only cries out when she is hungry and is only waking once now during the night to nurse. She absolutely adores her brothers and they pay her plenty of attention. Their biggest ambition in life right now is making her laugh and smile. I love it :)

The hardest part of being a family of 5? Managing my time wisely. I'm not an overly structured person and now that I have 3 babies, I'm having to utilize each minute. Sure we take breaks from routine, but I can't just not do laundry now...well I can but I will majorly pay for it :) i.e. no life until I get it caught up thus making all other chores get behind and the kiddos don't get their attention they need...well you get the picture :) Not a pretty sight.

The best part of being a family of 5? Feeling needed and wanted and loved....feeling completed as a family unit and planning our goals and dreams together. Sharing my life and babies with a pretty neat fellow that makes me laugh like no one else.

It's not perfect and it's not always roses, but I love where I am and I love being Bryson, Brayden and Willow Grace's Mommy :)

My Random thoughts on Relationships

Well, It's been MONTHS since I've blogged...But with good reason, right? :)

We welcomed our sweet baby girl into the world on December 28, 2010. She is perfect. We love our new family dynamic of 5 and we are slowly adjusting on how to manage and give all 3 kiddos their own individual attention. I seriously don't know how the Duggars do it...I looked at Bryson the other day around suppertime and realized we hadn't had one remotely seriously conversation outside of school all day....Blah on me!

I've been thinking ALOT about relationships lately. First, my relationship with my boys....I want them to know that I love them in the good times and in the bad. So many times I find myself showing them love and affection when they are being lovable...after bathtime when we get ready for bed, or when they first wake up....That is my all time favorite part of the day....well most mornings. ha! They are so snuggly and cuddly. They want their kisses and hugs then. Or when they pick me flowers outside and come running to me with their dirt-filled fingernails and dandelions. I love those moments and it shows. It shows in my voice, on my face, and with my affection. It's the not so lovable moments that I find myself not so readily giving affection, but isn't that when they need it most? Thing is sometimes they are simply being boys and I don't understand it all because I'm girl (there's some rocket science there people! ha!) But Seriously, they are going to take things apart just to see how it works. They are going to accidentally break things because they are clumsy little boys. And it's even in those times that I have to discipline that I'm not finding myself be affectionate like I should. Sure, back talk makes it really hard to be loving, and it's something that cannot be tolerated in our home, but what keeps me from showing them affection after they've been corrected? Is it my anger? frustration? Very convicting thought for me...

Then there's my relationship with my better half. Tim really compliments me in every way. He can call me out on things that nobody else notices, and encourages me to reach my full potential. We laugh at things that most other people probably find stupid. I love to hear him laugh when I'm being crazy. I've been thinking about good and bad times with him, too, and how I treat him during those times. Has your husband ever disappointed you? Even when he didn't intentionally do it? Well we had one of those moments last night. They are FEW and far between....now I know I disappoint him a lot more often, and I'm going somewhere with this so hang with me...it's not a husband bashing post. Tim forgot something that I asked him to plllllease remember. He even wrote it down and erased it (it makes me laugh...really it does). He was more upset that he forgot than I was. I won't lie and say my initial response was "no big deal". Then I realized "Chicka, get your act together....this man is working his hind end off for you. He honestly forgot....so don't get all up in a tizzy." Then I was faced with a decision: Do I show him affection and forgiveness NOW? Or do I pout and really work this thing? It seems simple as I type, but it wasn't easy. It really did hurt my feelings at first (I can't blame pregnancy anymore...ha!), but wouldn't it mean more to show love and affection at a time like this...instead of when he sends me flowers or puts the kiddos to bed?....Afterall, what is unconditional love?

The Lord started this whole thought process in my heart (yes, I think in my heart...it's sometimes more effective then this non-functioning brain of mine!) Does God show me love only when I perform for Him? Is it only when I read my Bible, and go to church, and dress right and talk right? No...It's actually those times that I disappoint Him and seek His forgiveness that He draws near to me, and loves on me. It's the times that I'm most unlovable, that I can sense His presence the most. Why don't I automatically treat those I love the most the same way? Why don't I freely give my love to them reguardless of their behaviour?

I know this is different kind of blog post, but the Lord has been weighing this all on my heart this morning pretty heavy. I want to be accountable to giving this type of love....He has been OOOOO so good to me :)

Small Tidbits that All add up to JOY

Life is moving at supersonic speed! I've had some very special moments as a momma/wife lately that I want to make note of before I forget....

We have between 7-8 weeks left before our Sweet Pea makes her debut. I'm starting to get a little nervous. OK a LOT nervous. There's quite a bit to accomplish before she arrives, and the next few weeks will tell us a lot about how smoothly this is all going to go. I know God is in control and I do have a peace, but it's still the life of your child....ya know? It's not something I can just give to God and never think of again. I would LOVE to be that way, but this old sinful heart does worry and fret. How patient God is with me....

First up, Brayden. I love that baby. He has all of a sudden become VERY independent. Sure he has always had his independent moments, but at the end/beginning of the day he has always wanted to "snug" with momma. He's stolen kisses all during the day...not just for boo-boos or bedtime or good morning. Well I am losing him like I lost Bryson about this age. Okay that's a bit pregnant extreme. Forgive me. It's just around 4 years old those baby boys start wanting to hang out with daddy all the time and they don't need as many kisses....or snuggles. I'll never forget when Bryson wanted Daddy when he was sick when he was around 4 years old. My heart sank....But I am thankful that they have a daddy they adore. It's all about them growing up and becoming little men...them wanting to be like their daddy. *sigh* This is why I am so thankful for a little girl who will still hang out with momma in the kitchen.... :) btw...they still want momma for those boo-boos. ; ) Brayden is growing (no pun intended) a bit impatient with baby girl's arrival. He told me yesterday morning it's about time for them to cut your belly and get Willow (wi-wo) Grace. He has already declared that he will be the one to teach her how to ride bikes. Love his simplicity.

Bryson...I'm not going to elaborate on how sad I am that he is about to turn 6 in two weeks. That will be my next post, so you might want to make a mental note to skip it ;) He has always been curious in nature, and as he is increasing knowledge, the questions are becoming a bit more difficult to answer. For instance, I loved laying in bed last night listening to Bryson and his dad's conversation....It started out Bry getting in trouble for talking when he was supposed to be sleeping....what does he say? "Dad...I was just talking to God. Bray is asleep." Wow. Talk about convicting. So he crawled in bed with us to talk to Daddy about some things...some deep things. First Bryson thought: "I want to see God really bad. It seems like waiting until I die is way too long to wait." I gasped. Do I desire to see God as much as my baby does? Double Convicting. Next Bryson thought: "I am really worried about Grannie and Papaw's Dog lady. Grannie is old. Papaw is old. Muffin (their other dog) is old. What if they all die and leave lady?" If you know Bryson, you know he worries about everyone and everything. Tim tried to explain that's why God gives us family. That we would take care of lady. Then Bryson went into this fence he has planned that would give Max (our dog) his own space and Lady her own space.....just when I wonder if there's really anything churning in that noggin of his. He will surely have ulcers by the time he is 10, but I love him for it. He'll be the one to take care of us when we are old and decrepit ;) He probably already has a plan in place for it.

And lastly, Tim. He has worked his booty off lately. I love his deep desire to provide for us....not just physically, but emotionally. That can be quite the task for me lately. I've cried about every other day. I know it's hormones and I try to shrug it off, but he takes it very seriously. For instance, Tuesday night I made a meal for us to all sit down to (the dining room table has been stacked with stuff still looking for a home...so meals have been on the couch...or on a corner of the table...slack, I know). The table was cleaned off and I even made a cobbler. () :) I figured He'd worked to 6 since he had a manager coming the next day....wrong. I called at 5:30 and he told me he'd be there to close and even after. I fed the boys....they didn't like the cobbler. I put them to bed...I cried...He came in at 10:30 bless his heart. He was dead tired. I cried...and felt really bad about it and TRIED to stop, but the more I tried to stop, the more I cried. What does he do? Does he get offended? nope. I would have been upset with me if I were him. Instead, he gets up the next morning...and the next at 4:00am so he can get off at 5:00 to eat dinner together as a family. I know we're going into the busiest season for retailers, and hours are going to be long. Stupid Hormones... I LOVE that man. He is so selfless with his love, even when I am sooooo unloveable ;)

And that pretty much sums up my life as of late. I love my family. I don't know what I'd do without each of them. God has been so good to me :)

Mixed Emotions

Well we were asked if we would like to move back to Florence by Hobby Lobby. To some people, it might seem like a no-brainer, right? I mean all our family is there, we were born and raised there, we would get excellent medical care, etc etc etc....but something unexpected happen. We weren't exactly sure when we were asked. Something slipped up on us in Augusta. We fell in love with some pretty amazing people.
Back in February, we were pretty much giving up on finding a church in the Augusta area, and then one Sunday morning, we got up extra early and decided to take a little bit longer drive to Graniteville, SC. We were pretty certain it would be same ole same ole. We wouldn't fit there, hardly anyone would talk to us, the people would be kind of kooky (we were actually stalked by one pastor in the CSRA...that's another story!), and so on and so forth. We walked in and I met the most cheerful, glowing woman. She absolutely radiated! and we enjoyed the service. People were nice...so far so good. That Tuesday we got an email from a lady inviting us to her Sunday school class. She took the time to look up our email on the visitor card and wanted to make us feel welcome. We were almost blown away with kindness. One of Tim's long time friends had been going to church there for several years, and his wife invited us over and treated us so kindly! And thus began one of the most important journeys we've ever walked.
I hope this doesn't seem offensive to those we've known for years, and I hope it makes sense, but at Breezy Hill we were loved and accepted simply. It wasn't perform here or do this for me and I will be pleased with you. It was I care because we're church family. It doesn't matter if you're in a bad mood, or you can't sing a lick, or you didn't come to my kid's birthday party.....they just love! It humbles me and convicts me. Why don't I love people like this? It's how Christ loves me! No he doesn't tolerate sin and neither do the people of BHBC, let me tell ya. I have been corrected in love before and it's been a BIG learning experience. Many of the ladies never even knew the Lord used them to correct me...because it's not about them...it's about God and Him working in my heart.
When I found out we were expecting and with some pretty scary things to face, I was overwhelmed with love, support and prayers. One lady who has 3 children 4 and under, gladly welcomed my boys into her home when I had doctor's appts. She baked cupcakes with them and let them swim and fed them and loved them like her own. I've called her with an hour's notice and she didn't stutter when I asked her to watch them! I had one lady who has suffered a great deal with her own heartache with losing babies...she shared her heart with me and was willing to answer tough questions that few would be willing to. She shared some of her darkest, most painful days with me. One lady was always willing to lend her ear and her heart (the glowing, cheerful lady from sunday #1). Countless ladies have called, and left messages, and encouraged me with prayer. I never want to forget the Love I learned at BHBC.
So when we were asked to move, it took a lot of prayer and Godly counsel. God led us to accept the transfer. And while I am excited to be back in Florence, my heart will always have a place at BHBC. It is there that I learned something I hadn't been taught my whole life. It is there that I truly learned what bearing one another's burdens really means. It is there that I learned I should give love to all people without expectation of return favor. It is there that I learned the Christian life is NOT intended to be private, but shared, and used to praise the Father....whether it be you're going through a good time OR a bad time. I have learned a lot and am so thankful to God for giving us the special time there. I just pray I can continue to show the love here that so many showed me there!
So let the new journey begin here, in Florence. I know it will be a good time, because God led us back here for a reason. So thankful tonight...so completely thankful!! :)

Vacation Week

We decided to do a"staycation" this year. We wanted to save some moola, and Tim was very serious about keeping me near home with our docs and all. It actually was a great week. We got to swim in our neighborhood pool all week by ourselves :) All the kiddos were in school so the privacy was niiiiiiice. We took the boys to the river a couple of days and to the national federation of turkeys. They loved it! Brayden did the best turkey call out of all of us. I beat Tim at "virtual hunting".......once....out of I'm not going to say how many times.... ;). Overall it's been a great week....a simple week. I loved it :)
We start homeschool this next week. I'm a bit nervous, but I know it will be fun. Bryson is super excited so that makes it better. I decided to include Brayden in our studies. I'm not doing anything "formal" with him. I figure he will learn and it will be alot easier than trying to entertain him while schooling Bryson. It will be a fun time with the boys....challenging I'm sure, but fun.
It seems like trust has been a theme for us this week. We expected an answer from God and He remained silent so it's obvious we must wait and trust. We got news that some blood levels are up that increase clotting. Willow Grace is at risk, especially if they go up any. It also increases the risk of stroke and heart attack. I know God has a plan in it all. I have felt like trust has been my spring board for learning all week long. It's hard to trust God with your child's life. It's hard to trust God with your own life. I want to see my sweet babies grow up. I want to grow old with Timothy. It's not dramatics; it's reality. Am I really willing to trust God with my child's life? With my own life? It makes financial trust, etc seem insignificant. I can't think about it too much to tell you the truth. I have to give it over to the Lord continually and leave it there. Regardless, His plan is perfect. His love is perfect. He knows it all, controls it all, and made it all. Why not trust? So here's to another week. I'm sure this week will be the same theme....trust :)

Talkin' about Change

I've had this blog for awhile and you see how faithful I've been to post! ha! Our lives are about to begin changing drastically, so I decided to start posting on the blog so I don't wake up when our children are headed to college and wonder where the time went.
The next two weeks are going to be crazy! Tim has to work 3 more days and gets 2 off and then works one more and has a week off. Those 2 days this week are already planned to the max (don't tell Tim ;) )because I want to enjoy vacation! We start homeschool in 2 weeks from today so I know I must have everything in order before then. If you know anything about me, you know I'm not an orderly sort of person, so I must make some personal changes to best serve my family. Not only that, I'm 18 weeks pregnant as of yesterday, and with the issues baby girl and I've been having, I've been worried that they will eventually put me on bedrest. Therefore, this non-orderly type girl has put in an phone call for the nesting fairy to stop by a little early this pregnancy. There is a BIG difference between the house being "come over for a play date" clean and "sure, you can help put away laundry" clean.
Speaking of laundry, call me overly sentimental, but I have saved every article of clothing the boys have ever worn since birth. I call myself overly sentimental because their closet is absurd. I FINALLY sorted through all of the clothing and still couldn't manage to purge anything under 12mos. I held the little overalls we bought for Bryson as a baby and just cried. I am way too hormonal right now...btw...I had left over chinese food this morning for breakfast. I don't even like Chinese food...
Anyways, I will sign off with one more note. I don't even like myself right now. I'm grouchy, irritable, emotional, flighty, and constantly tired, but I feel more blessed RIGHT now than I ever have in my life. I have a man that loves me (he bought me Cheez-its and hershey kisses Saturday night :D ) and two little boys that I adore even though it's been a "one of us isn't going to make it to your 4th birthday" type week with Brayden (paint in the carpet, salt poured in the kitchen floor, hi-lighter on his lips, etc). That child loves to "explore" and makes every day an adventure. With all of that being said, God has blessed me beyond all measure. I have a little girl resting under my heart, that shouldn't even be in existence according to the doctors, but God blessed me as her mother. I'm just glad that as unlovable as I am right now, that He still loves me and chooses to bless me despite my undeserving self.